Starting Before I’m Ready

Courage or stupidity… probably both.

Jun 13, 2024

In an online world filled with perfectly edited snapshots of seemingly flawless plans and careers, the idea of putting stuff out there before I’m 100% sure seems silly, and definitely uncomfortable. The alternative though, is to just keep stuff in my head, or only show new things to people I know and trust.

Yet, I’m starting to wonder if “just do it anyway” is often the secret ingredient behind many success stories. Waiting for the absolutely perfect moment, when it all feels just right, and all doubts have been addressed, probably means waiting forever. So does that mean I’ve missed opportunities? Maybe we just don’t see all the chaotic bits of each others lives…

I’ve started sharing the imperfect stuff on my socials, the scribbly messes and deadends, interspersed with more finished/polished pieces, a more balanced selection of what I actually do. And rather than feeling judged (believe me I can imagine all kinds of mean things people could say about my work), I can actually feel my confidence growing.

Pushing past cringe

The absolute top thing, that gives me the cringe, is playing back things I’ve said - examining them in my head, late at night, wondering why am I such an idiot… This means actually putting my face on camera, and talking, is usually avoided at all cost. So obviously, it is time to get over myself and just do my best.

It was bloopers a-go-go, but it wasn’t terrible, I actually found the worst bits the most amusing. Here’s what I think to perfection:

Who knew my face looked like that? I didn’t. I’m setting up over on Patreon and I’m really enjoying ~~pulling silly faces~~ pulling together ideas, as long as I don’t think too hard about people judging them. But if I push past that cringy feeling, the one that tells me I’m an imposter, then I am genuinely excited about building my own creative community, where we can grow and achieve despite our insecurities.

It’s not that I don’t care anymore, I’m just choosing what I care about. I don’t want to create rubbish but:

I like to learn by doing, by getting hands on, getting messy, making mistakes and dodgy drawings, it's all part of the fun. I find that energising, so why not share it?
I’m not sure I can tell the difference between fear & excitement - I know I can be anxious and overthink things, but I think that’s because I care about the work. That squirly feeling is actually just fizzy excitement trying to get out.
Progress is better than perfection. I don’t mind that I’m squonky and imperfect, and there’s a good chance these qualities will show through in my work, but that’s got to be a squillion times better than not doing anything.
Doing something = progress, doing nothing = void of empty gloom.

So here’s to getting a little bit reckless and seeing where it leads.

Don’t worry I’m not about to fly a plane, jump out of one, or anything else that is truly dangerous if you don’t know what your doing. I’m just going to take a deep breath, trust in my own abilities, and stop waiting.